I can respect we all have our own pregnancy and labor stories and it is so much fun to share our story because we feel like we are sharing this journey. The problem is, too often people assume their story is what will happen to someone else. With Baby Bear, I had an emergency c-section which is obviously not the norm. When my first time pregnant friends ask me for my story, I try to keep a few facts held back. I have talked to too many pregnant moms who’s loved ones try to overshare or tell said pregnant person how their journey will go before it even happens. I think there is a fine line here that as Moms we need to be careful to respect. So as a new Momma Bear, here are the five things I wish people wouldn’t have done/said to me while I was still pregnant.
- “You absolutely have to …” – I can’t exactly pinpoint why this made me so angry when I was pregnant but it just did. Don’t tell me what I HAVE to do, all I HAVE to do is have a baby. The rest are just details that are for Papa Bear and me to figure out. Now, with that said, the doctor had a list of things I had to do so that’s fair. I also had people in my life that were telling me things just to be helpful so take this one with a grain of salt.
- “Don’t forget your birth plan!” – Ok, cards on the table, I didn’t make a birth plan because I think they are silly. I understand it probably helps some people, but when baby is coming it’s a bit of a fly by the seat of your pants situation because you never know what will happen exactly. As I said, I had an emergency c-section which was definitely not the “plan”. I had basic guidelines of things I wanted, like skin to skin time for both me and Papa Bear as absolutely soon as possible, which due to this and that was three hours after Baby Bear was born. If I had a strict birth plan, it would have been thrown out the window within the first three minutes of me being at the hospital.
- “This <insert product> is a guarantee with all babies.” – Alright, can we all just agree that all babies are different and it is a bit of trial and error for each baby at the beginning? I am yet to find a baby product that works for all babies no matter what so let’s change this to say “This <insert product> was amazing with my baby,” everyone freaked me out with these things and I felt like if I didn’t buy said guaranteed product I was a bad Mom, the Baby Bear wouldn’t even like it so it was all a waste.
- “You will feel this way or want this thing“ – We all know emotions are high and hormones are crazy so can we all take the vow to stop telling people how they will feel or what they will want? Everyone is different and when did that start to be a bad thing?
- “That’s not how we used to do it!” – PEOPLE PLEASE, things change over time and just because there is a new way of parenting doesn’t mean what you did was wrong or bad, it just means it doesn’t work for us. I can’t tell you how many times the older generations have judged me for breastfeeding, or putting Baby Bear on a schedule, going back to work, not having a perfect house… the list could go on. So please, for the love of God, I respect that what you did worked for you and my choice to do it differently doesn’t mean I am judging you for your choices. The truth is, I probably haven’t had a chance to think about what you did, all I have time to think about it what I’m doing.
I know we are all just trying to help our friends and loved ones, but please remember what it was like to be pregnant before you just to becoming the person who overshares or assumes superiority with pregnant women. The truth is we are all just doing the best we can.