“If Mom Ain’t Happy, No One’s Happy”. I heard this all the time growing up and actually thought it was cool. How impressive that the woman of the house has that much control. Until I grew up and my Mom explained to me how flawed this statement was for our house. Dealing with Mom emotions is different for everyone. My Mom wanted me to know she could not be responsible for every emotion in the house. We were all allowed to feel, and if she were the sole dictator of emotions then we could never have an off day. If a Mom can’t have an off day and always has to be perfect, we have a Vesuvious situation on our hands.
Why Mom can’t be the emotional compass in the house.
It was a huge lesson for me when my Mom explained to me that she can feel big emotions, and I need to be my own emotional stokehold. Like many of us, I was used to running to my Mom every time I felt big emotions. If it were anger, frustration, joy, irritation, happiness, or any emotion I went to my Mom. This is by no means a dig at Dads, y’all are amazing but for some reason emotions = Mom.
I had done this for my whole life and EVERY SINGLE time, my mom could help me guide through them like it was easy. Then, as I grew up she started to pull away and tell me I needed to handle them on my own. This is not to say My Mom didn’t want to be in the trenches of life with me. She knew I needed to stand my ground me vs my emotions style.
If the saying “If Mom Ain’t Happy, No One is Happy”, were true that would mean Mom’s are the sole person responsible to the house happiness. Which is entirely crazy business. As a Mom, you will have good and bad days. What if on a bad day for Mom someone else has a good day. Do you honestly want to be the person who takes them down on their good day? HELL NO, we want our family to be able to decipher these big emotions and express them appropriately.
Emotions vs Society
My apologies in advance, but here is my soapbox on emotions in today’s world. For so long, the Mom’s of the world have been taking on all the burdens of our children in terms of their emotions. We don’t want them to feel the big bad emotions, only the big good ones. So no wonder when they leave the nest they can’t handle it. This is especially true with the male population. The only emotion males are “allowed” to show is anger. Then we as a society are confused about why they are angry all the time. It’s the only emotion males were shown is appropriate to express.
I grew up with a Dad who was not a yeller and raised two girls, I have to give him major praise. My Dad was with us every time we cried and every time we were so emotional we couldn’t express ourselves. He never told us we couldn’t feel and would never say that to everyone. So while I am on my soapbox it is worth noting this doesn’t apply to everyone. I also had a saint of a Mom who taught my sister and I to own our emotions. We needed to learn how to harness them and use them to our advantage. Let’s just say when it came to emotional parenting, my parents were 10,000 steps ahead of the curve.
Why can’t we let our children learn through their emotions so we are not the flag in the storm of life for every emotion? I don’t understand why we as women see a sense of pride in being the person who can “change the thermostat” of the emotional house. This makes no sense to me. We need our children to own their emotions and own their way of dealing with said emotions. It’s ok if a male cries or if a female is angry. It’s only if a female get’s loud from time to time, or if a male wants to sit is solace.
Let’s fix it together
I say we band together as the parents of today, and let our kids feel the big feels. If your child comes to my house for a play date and feels a big feel, you better believe I am letting them feel it. And so help me God, if someone tries to tell my child they can’t feel something, you will see Momma Bear go full crazy. There is a time and a place to express emotions. Why can’t we teach our children that instead of constantly suppress your emotions. If anyone else agrees with me, let me know!